


five emotions Joaquin felt towards Archie + one more that was very different from the others

by MidnightBlueMoon



Series: December 2018 [11]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotions, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 14:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightBlueMoon/pseuds/MidnightBlueMoon
Summary: Joaquin doesn't like Archie. But emotions are complicated.Aka, the title kind of says it all.





	five emotions Joaquin felt towards Archie + one more that was very different from the others

**Author's Note:**

> Day 11.
> 
> I wrote this before all the bad stuff happened with Archquin. I offer this as a different canon.

i. anger

Seeing the tattoo curl on Archie's shoulder makes Joaquin's blood boil. He shouldn't be allowed to wear it. He shouldn't look so good wearing it.

Joaquin can’t shake the hot feeling under his skin, the anger a terrible poison in his veins. So he plays his cards just right to get Archie to tell them to fuck off. It’s easy - the boy is soft and kind and Joaquin knows exactly what to ask of him that makes Archie turn away in disgust. It doesn't make the anger go away, not really. It gives short satisfaction, only to fade and reveal the black hole that has grown in the place where his heart used to be. It’s swallowing up everything, even the anger. But that is a truth Joaquin is only ready to admit to himself when he feels tired enough to stop lying to himself.

 

ii. hate

Archie tells them all to stop being the animals they are. It makes hate tingle in the back of Joaquin’s head. He knows the redhead isn’t wrong - they have become the animals the guards see in them, driven by greed and anger and fear. Archie is right, and Joaquin despises him for it. The boy has no right to tell them how they feel. Who they are. Because he is just one of them, just another of the animals locked up in this cage.

But Archie is the kind of person that doesn’t give up, the kind of person that keeps on pushing even at the cost of his own health. He convinces them to have a football game - and seeing the hope in Archie’s eyes when they agree, it makes Joaquin’s stomach turn. The facial expression makes him look so much like the boy Joaquin used to know. A boy made of light and big dreams, with the voice of an angel and a heart of gold.

Joaquin knows what happens to boys like that in here - because everyone else in here is an animal, and they feed on every ray of light they can get. He has seen boys with stolen voices and broken heart and empty souls, and he hates Archie for reminding him of the loss they all had gone through. He hates him because Archie Andrews is the juxtaposition of what they all have become.

 

iii. guilt

The football game day rolls around, and Archie is excitedly mixing up the boys into two teams. Joaquin lets him do as he pleases, doesn’t even protest as some other guys do. But then they have to find a way to differentiate the teams, and the only idea they come up with is shirts and no shirts.

And when Archie strips off his shirt, Joaquin is suddenly faced with the truth that Archie is not the soft boy Joaquin is so used to seeing him as. His muscles are well defined, but now every hint of body fat is gone - like on most of the guys here. What catches Joaquin’s attention are the bruises of his encounter with the boys. Joaquin knows what those look like firsthand, and on Archie, they have mostly faded, a pale-ish blue instead of a dark purple. Joaquin has seen them on a lot of guys, mostly those who have no crew or are new.

And still - these are different. These are the result of what Joaquin did, what he said. He could have protected Archie from them, but he decided not to do that. It makes guilt crawl through his body, climbing into his chest, spreading through his veins. He can’t take his actions back, it’s too late for that. But seeing the bruises curl on his rips and arms, he wishes he could.

 

iv. sadness

Joaquin needs three days to find out that Archie has been locked up in solitary. After that, he doesn’t dare to ask for a few days because the people going in solitary come out changed men. He hopes Archie will be fine. But the redhead doesn’t come back and the days keep passing. Days become weeks, and finally, something happens.

Five weeks after the football disaster, the guards take Joaquin away and he doesn’t know what’s happening until he’s in the ring, fighting a guy who's about twice his size. He puts up the best fight he can, but he knows his own strength. So he fights until he can’t and then curls up, tries to protect his interior organs and his head the best he can. When he feels his arm break, the bone shattering, he isn’t sure whether he screams or not.

He doesn’t see Archie until they pull the other guy away from him. For a second, Joaquin is sure he’s hallucinating. Archie looks so out of place, his hair a beacon catching the light. But then he sees his eyes, and he realizes that the Archie he remembers would have been out of place here. But this Archie is older, sharper. The Archie in front of him has had his soft heart used against him again and again, has pulled a gun on a man, has sat through a trial for murder and decided to plead guilty for the sake of his family. The man in front of him - for he is not a boy anymore - has bones made of steel.

And when Archie steps into the ring to face the man still standing, Joaquin wishes he didn’t. He is not an idiot - he understands that he has been taken because he knows Archie, because the warden knew that Archie would want to protect Joaquin. It’s in Archie’s nature. Joaquin mourns for the Archie he knew - the golden boy. The innocence Archie has lost through violence is something he will never get back, and Joaquin wishes he wasn’t just another one of the people in Archie’s life that brought violence to it.

But there is nothing he can do - so he keeps his pain in, both over his broken arm and his broken heart, as they drag him away.

 

iv. gratitude

Babyteeth tells him Archie is back when they meet in the infirmary. Joaquin is supposed to stay for a few days, to see if his cracked rips will heal properly. Babyteeth has a broken nose, from his latest night in the ring. The other boy tells him that the redhead is back, his skin bruised but no bones were broken. It’s more than Joaquin has let him himself hope for.

It takes two days until the nurse finally lets him go. Back in his cell, he doesn't sleep. He can’t stop thinking about the sharp edges he saw in Archie that night, wonders how he could have missed it. Maybe Archie will look different when he sees him again.

Joaquin passes out from exhaustion at some point, his arm pressed against his chest. The guards basically have to drag him out of his cell in the morning, but on the way, he becomes more awake. He doesn’t know what to say to Archie once he sees him - but then the guards open the doors to the gym and every thought flies out the window.

Seeing Archie standing there, bruised but healthy, Joaquin is overwhelmed by gratitude. Not only for Archie saving him that night, as well for Archie making it out on top. He knows that there is a price for that, too - but he’s alive and well, so that’s quite something.

Archie looks at him and smiles, one of those brilliant smiles Joaquin used to think had to be fake. It’s honest, he knows now. Archie doesn’t look different - the sharp edges are gone, the bones of steel hidden again. Joaquin smiles back at him, and it’s just as honest. In here he can’t speak of gratitude, but he hopes Archie understand it anyway.

 

\+ i. love

Joaquin doesn't realize he has grown to like Archie until he finds himself at a table in the cafeteria, surrounded by the guys. They are sitting at their usual table, and Thumper is telling a story that’s 50% lies and 25% exaggeration, but it’s amusing. Archie is laughing, his eyes crinkling up. It draws Joaquin's attention to the other boy's cheek. 

The redhead’s cheekbone is a deep purple, the colour so strong against Archie's light skin. It unsettles something in Joaquin's chest, the feeling unfamiliar and dangerous. 

He's used to Archie sporting new bruises by now. But usually they are on his chest or his arms, so this one is different. Not only the location, but the meaning behind it - someone got close enough to punch Archie in the face, and he punched him  _ hard _ . Joaquin can see how much force the blow to Archie's face must have had. Thinking about the pain Archie must have been in and probably still is, he gets so lost in his head for a second that he misses when the other guys get up to return their trays. 

He only snaps to attention because Archie puts a hand on his wrist. His first instinct is to flinch back - a reaction to any physical contact in here. In prison, you don’t make friends. Or take care of each other. But the rules don’t seem to apply to Archie, do they?

The other boy sneaks a glance to the guard before he leans forward. “Are you okay? You seemed… lost for a second there.”

The concern in his voice is soft, and Joaquin feels the unfamiliar emotion is his chest expand and reshape itself. 

He nods. “It’s fine, just got lost in my thoughts for a second.” It’s the truth. 

Archie nods solemnly. He doesn't poke around - but he squeezes Joaquin's wrist for a second before he lets go. The kindness of the gesture stops Joaquin's thoughts for a second. There's this fragment of a moment where Joaquin can only feel wonder, and something pure, dangerous. Then it hits him like a ton of bricks - this kindness shouldn't be this important, shouldn't make his throat close up. It shouldn't mean this much. 

“Thanks, man.” He doesn't say how much he appreciates the gesture, or the thought behind it, but Archie's shrug tells him the boys knows. It's cool. It's a little terrifying.

Joaquin quickly realizes that this seems to become his new normal. Archie keeps sporting new bruises, and it makes Joaquin want to scream. He knows Archie can easily hold himself in a fight, so he doesn’t get why he keeps getting beat up. But the thing that bothers him even more is this: Joaquin cares. He cares about Archie. Or maybe he does more than care - if the feeling running down his spine whenever Archie smiles at him is anything to go by. It's not love, but… affection doesn't really cover it either. A crush maybe. A constantly growing crush. 

Joaquin knows it's stupid to fall in love in prison. He isn’t sure how or when exactly it starts. He just wakes up one day and is lead to the gym, where he meets Archie. The boy looks at him, a small, tired smile curling his lips up, and Joaquin thinks  _ ‘Fuck’ _ . 

And that's that. Joaquin pretends it's not happening. Archie is a straight boy, and Joaquin has been in love with straight boys before. It never ends well. Never. 

But that doesn't stop his treacherous heart from beating a little faster whenever Archie smiles. And it doesn't stop him from hoping that maybe Archie isn't that straight. 

But he isn't willing to risk his friendship for it. So he just shuts his mouth whenever risky words are on his tongue, and hopes they make it out alive. 

And maybe, if they get out of here, then maybe he'll risk it and tell Archie. And maybe he'll get an answer he is not expecting. 


End file.
